Rone-ry

I don't really give much of a hoot if anyone reads this (lucky, that). Which is obviously why I haven't written in ages. But I feel its time for an update, for my own benefit.

Yesterday saw the departure of the two Smalls to their Grandparents way out east (close to Chelmsford). They're off for a week, as I have to work and the childcare would cost a fortune.

As the car pulled out I felt a gnawing in my belly and pricking in my eyes, and sure enough, the tears flowed as I came back into the SILENT house. Eerie. Everything I saw reminded me of them... from the oddly symmetrical feathered Easter card from Small Boy, with a googly eye instead of "I" in "I 'heart' you" to the mulched hard-boiled egg that Small Girl had painted and then blended by hand in her play kitchen. Yum.

I had to escape to take my mind off the sadness. So we strolled across the park in the sunshine at 5.30, the time we would normally be thinking of starting bathtime. We enjoyed a film at the cinema (Jake Gyllenhaal, mm).

I had a chat with the children over the phone as we walked back. (So, contrary to my over-active imagination they had survived the journey intact). The first question I had from Small Girl was "when are you coming?" [tug at the heartstrings]. The first from Small Boy, "have you finished your work yet?" [another sharp tug]. But they seemed chirpy enough.

What's interesting is that Husband seems absolutely unaffected by their departure. How is this so?! Can this kind of unemotional nonchalance be bottled and sold to anxious mothers? In fact, he had an enormous grin on his face and rubbed his hands with mischievous glee. I suppose his reaction is frankly more rational than mine. They are only going for a few days. They will be well cared-for and dearly loved, they will have a fantastic time and be spoilt rotten, they are bonding with their grandparents, and we get some time alone as a couple. Not to mention, we're saving about £400 in childcare. What's not to love?

Actually, now that I'm getting used to it, I don't feel sick with sadness any more. It's settled into an underlying unease. I am going to try and enjoy this peaceful time we have together. Dinner out, romantic evening walks in the park, lie-ins... not all bad!

This morning I got out of bed at 9a.m. Unheard of. So, let the (grown-ups) party begin!