Thinking about having a baby? Thoughts on motherhood

I very rarely get all deep and meaningful here. But I was reading a thread on Mumsnet, in which a 40-something woman was asking the crowd whether she ought to have a baby or not, as she couldn't decide.

I think any attempt to make motherhood into a rational decision is futile. You can try. You can try to think about the practical, like money and work and childcare. But no parenting decision is purely practical. Everything is emotional. You could discuss the pros and cons of motherhood until the end of time, but until you've done it you have no idea how it's going to affect you, personally.

But if you could, what would you say to her?

What I would say is this: parenting is, above all, a thing of extremes. When you have kids, you experience a completely different kind of love. A different texture and size of love: totally unconditional, all-encompassing, on a whole new level to what you even thought possible. But it comes at a cost: stress, anxiety, sleep-deprivation, boredom, possibly depression, all at new levels too.

Motherhood expands your human experience to the extreme, so you feel like an elastic band stretched in all directions.

But I would find it hard to call it 'rewarding' like some do. I don't take much credit for my kids, they are their own people. I don't look at them and feel proud about what I've done, I just feel proud of them. And it's certainly not rewarding in any concrete sense, in that nobody ever tells you you're doing a great job, well done, here's your bonus. It's not like a paid job, in which you might have a manager or a mentor to learn from. There is no feedback.

What I do get, though, is love back from them. I get soft hair, sweet kisses and handprinty pictures, which I cherish and enjoy. I also get a new perspective on my relationship with my own parents, which would otherwise have remained one-dimensional.

On balance, I'm very glad I am doing it. I am pleased to be part of the rich relationships and depth of feeling that parenthood provides. Plus, I look forward to having grandchildren and growing old with family around me. Grandparenthood... now there's something to look forward to!